Toward, Or Away

There are a few teachers in life whose words continue to ripple within you, so much so that you can hear their echoes float like whispers on a Sunday breeze.

For me, there’s an echo often attributed to an old mentor of mine: Dr. John McNeill.

We used to call John the “Yoda” of our grad school—not just because he was brilliantly quiet and relatively short-statured, but because the things that he’d share with us would often stupefy us silly, reeling to only really begin to soak in their lessons many years down the road.

John had kind eyes.

When he smiled, the wrinkles around them would form the etchings of an ever-welcoming mountain range—not dissimilar to where he’d drive down from each day to come teach us overeager young therapists-in-the-making.

Though he kept a low profile, John carried a subtle knowing about him.

Maybe it was the lifelong practice of Buddhism.

Maybe it was the cancer journey.

Whatever it was, he seemed to have a soft gravity about him.

When he spoke, his words landed like stones in a still pond.

Rippling for years to come.

John and I would often meet for supervision and mentorship throughout my time in Colorado.

One day, I was sitting across from him during one of those sessions.

I had been wrestling with a decision—one I thought was clinical but, in hindsight, was likely more personal.

I explained all the reasons I was hesitant.

The discomfort. The worry.

The desire to protect my client, and, truthfully, myself.

He let me finish.

Then, he looked at me—his kind eyes calm, his voice low—and asked,

That was it. Just that.

Followed by some good ol’ fashioned Yoda-like John silence.

At the time, I gave an answer that I thought sounded intelligent.

But the truth is, I didn’t really understand the weight of what he was asking.

Not fully.

Yet, at some point, months, maybe years later, I began to see where his invitation was meant to lead me.

I began to feel it, actually—that difference between actions rooted in avoidance (moving away) and actions rooted in alignment (moving toward).

So much of our decision-making is driven by fear.

We stay in jobs because we’re afraid to risk it in the market.

We stay in relationships because we don’t want to be alone.

We overextend ourselves because we fear the guilt of saying “No.”

We micromanage because we’re afraid to lose control.

We distract ourselves because we’re afraid to feel.

These are “away” moves—actions aimed at escaping discomfort, dread, disconnection, or anything undesired.

And in some cases, this may be valid. If there’s a real threat, then of course it’s prudent to move away from it.

But when fear becomes our compass, our operating system, and we’re constantly moving away from that which scares us, we risk slipping into a spiral that leads to a life of avoidance—a life, ultimately, of fear and regret.

John’s question was an invitation to realize the power of choice—the essential importance of asking and choosing what we want to move toward.

Toward what brings us peace.

Toward what honors our principles.

Toward the lives we yearn to create.

Toward what we cherish, desire, value, and hold dear.

To move toward is to act with intention.

To step into alignment with what matters.

It certainly isn’t easy.

But it is so deeply worth it.

So the next time you’re standing at the crossroads of a decision, an action, or a choice, I invite you to consider John’s wisdom, to pause and ask yourself:

If the honest answer is “away,” then ask:

What would it look like to choose to step toward what matters here?

Whether that step be large or small.

The courage to live an intentional life is not grand, nor granular.

It is a practice that ripples from moment to moment, life to life, mentor & teacher to student & dreamer, and someday, a teacher as well.

So today, tomorrow, always, I invite you to choose what’s worth moving toward.

Reflections for Growth

• Away Moves
  What’s one area of your life right now where you feel yourself avoiding something? What are you trying to escape or protect yourself from?

• Toward Moves
  What does “moving toward” look like for you right now? In your work, relationships, health, creativity? What would it mean to take one step in that direction?

Invitations for Practice

• Asking Daily

  This coming week, pick a point in your day—during a meeting, a conversation, a moment of pause—and ask yourself: Am I moving toward, or away? Let this question be a kind compass, rather than a judgment.

• Define a Toward Move

  Choose one value or intention that feels resonant right now—peace, creativity, connection, growth. Then define one small (or large) action that would move you toward it today. Do it. Reflect on how it felt.

As you practice, please jot down your thoughts, reflections, and experiences.

And as always, feel free to share directly with me whenever you’d like.

With you in the choosing,

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