The Ten-Foot Toss

I’ve got a buddy—his name’s Ray.

Ray’s a special kind of guy.

He’s 75 (give or take), with the eyes of a 25-year-old who knows full well what’s worth holding onto in life and what’s worth letting go.

Ray also has this rather remarkable and uncanny ability to make just about anyone feel like they’ve known him since they were kids in the playground together. It really is something special.

And it’s how he got me now as a friend.

The second time he and I hung out, we happened to be walking down the main street of this small Spanish town I was living in at the time.

Ray could tell I had something on my mind — some extra special flavor of existential crisis of the early 30s. So, in his incredibly eloquent and accurate manner, he asked, “What’s got you all worked up, kid?”

I could tell his ask was sincere, so I spilled.

I told him all about the exasperation of attempting to reconcile a grand vision between seemingly opposite tensions and hopes; and how I yearn to create something greater than what I alone can offer up with these two hands while also cultivating a profoundly fulfilling partnership and balancing multiple roles, demands, and requests.

You know, the usual.

To his credit, he responded empathically. He shook his head and, with a compassionate chuckle, offered a, “Yeah, that’s a tough one, alright.”

Then Ray said something that struck a very peculiar kind of chord. After walking about four or five more steps, he stopped, turned on his heels, and said, “You know what’s going on, don’t you?”

“Huh?” I replied.

“Well, you’re going for the ten-foot toss.”

“Ten-foot toss? Sorry, Ray, you’re going to have to expand on that one.”

“Sure thing, pal; you ever play horseshoe or ring toss?”

“Once or twice in this short life, sure. Why?”

“Well, by the sound of it, you’re trying for a real long toss.”

And there he paused and traced his fingers forward, just about ten feet before us.

“That’s quite a distance.” And indeed, it was.

“Now see me, I prefer a good, five-foot toss,” as he steadily lowered his hand to just about half the distance.

“It may not be as far, sure, but I’m okay with that. And you know why? Because I can get that toss on the mark nine times out of ten.”

“Uh-huh,” I responded, slowly picking up what he was tossing down (all pun intended).

“But if I went for the ten-footer—you know, the one you seem so bent on,” as he let out a quick sigh, “well, then I’m liable to miss a whole lot more than I make.

“And you know what happens when we miss,” he smiled, slowly pointing toward my head.

“Heck, you live inside that thing; not to mention all the years you’ve been studying it.”

I returned his smile, because I knew exactly what he was referring to—the criticism, the self-defeat, the deflation, and the endless barrage of doubts and questions that drag us down deeper than before we ever dared to toss that dang horseshoe to begin with—metaphorically speaking, of course.

In short, I know what happens when I go for the ten-foot toss. And I have a feeling you do, too. Though it may seem courageous and commendably aspirational, the fallout does dampen the spirit considerably when we miss. And we must admit, we do miss.

I glanced over at Ray, who stood there nearly giggling, seeing me work out this spiritual math in my mind.

“Want some advice from an old-timer who’s been around the block once or twice?”

“Go for the shorter toss.”

And he motioned his hand as though he was simulating the most perfect toss as that imaginable horseshoe fell right onto its five-foot mark.

Spot on, Ray. Spot on.

Reflections for Growth

The Distance of Your Toss: Reflect on the goals you’re striving for right now. Are you aiming for a “ten-foot toss” that might feel overwhelming or discouraging? What might a “five-foot toss” look like instead?

The Cost of Missing the Mark: Think about a time when you aimed for a goal that felt out of reach. How did missing the mark affect your motivation and mindset? What did you learn from the experience?

Balancing Vision & Realism: How do you balance pursuing ambitious goals with setting realistic milestones? Where might you benefit from adjusting your expectations to find more success, peace, & fulfillment?

Invitations for Practice

The Five-Foot Feature: This week, take one big goal you’re currently working toward and break it into smaller milestones. Focus on just the next step—i.e., your five-foot toss—break it down into meaningful & tangible actions, and focus on attaining that smaller goal with greater consistency.

Visualization Practice: Take a few minutes to visualize a “perfect toss” in one area of your life. Picture yourself achieving a small, meaningful, & manageable win with ease and confidence. Notice how it feels to hit your mark & cultivate that feeling throughout.

Celebrate Small Wins: At the end of each day this week, write down at least one “toss” you successfully made—something you accomplished, even if it seems comparatively insignificant. Reflect on how these small successes compound and add up over time.

As you practice, please jot down your thoughts and experiences. And as always, feel free to share your reflections directly with me.

With great love & appreciation from a fellow practitioner of the perfect toss,

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